


Always

by RMarie124



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Endgame Fix-It, F/M, Post-Episode: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), With just a hint of smut, fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 05:54:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20887208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RMarie124/pseuds/RMarie124
Summary: As Earth looms in the view-screen, Chakotay is not by Kathryn's side. That, combined with the knowledge that they're finally home overwhelms her, and she goes to her Ready Room. Chakotay follows to check on his beloved Captain.





	Always

She was tired. Dead tired.

Seven years of struggling to survive and to get back home were finally over. As earth came into view and the shock and euphoria wore off, she felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders and seven years of barely sleeping slammed into her.

“I’ll be in my ready room.” She said, “Chakotay, you have the Bridge.”

She collapsed into the chair behind her desk. Tears welled up in her eyes and for once, she didn’t stop them. She let them roll silently down her cheeks, taking shaky breaths every so often. It was all so utterly overwhelming. She didn’t know where she was going to go when they got back. She figured that she’d be spending most of her time at Starfleet HQ for months and months of debriefing, but after that? She had no idea. She obviously couldn’t go to Mark, so she would probably have to go home. It’s not like she had anywhere else to go. She knew that she would greatly enjoy spending time with her mother and sister, but she didn’t want to stay there indefinitely. She felt so incredibly alone, even though they were only an hour or so from earth. Her own first officer hadn’t even been by her side as the blue planet had appeared on the view-screen.

Damn. 

More tears flowed as she thought about what the Admiral had told her. Amidst the sobs she let out a choked laugh. He was never truly going to be mine, she thought, not even after New Earth and the wonderful nights that we had. It was painful knowing that they’d grown so far apart, and that he’d go after Seven, of all people.

She scoffed.

Slowly, her tears subsided and she pulled up a few reports that had come in from Starfleet. They were instructions for what the crew needed to do once they docked. She sighed. One hour to home and of course they couldn’t disembark until a full decontamination process had occurred. But still, they were home.

The chime to her Ready Room sounded and she quickly wiped her eyes off for a final time before calling the visitor to enter. It opened to reveal—

“Chakotay.” She shouldn’t have sounded so surprised, but she couldn’t help it.

“Don’t worry Captain,” The use of her title stung a little bit, “Harry has the Bridge. I wanted to check on you, seeing as you’ve been in here for quite a while.”

She leaned back in her chair. “I was immediately struck with an overwhelming sense of exhaustion. I no longer have to be on constant alert and I guess it really just hit me all at once.” She bit back more tears that had annoyingly pushed their way back up. “Plus, it turns out I had an inundation of orders from Starfleet about docking procedures that I had to go over.”

He nodded. “I understand. There’s definitely an air of excitement with exhaustion laced in going on on the Bridge right now.” Then he hesitated. “Kathryn, are you sure you’re okay? You look upset.”

The use of her first name, uttered with such care, broke something inside her. The tears started all over, and she shook her head. “Chakotay, I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I don’t know how I’m going to handle months of debriefing, I don’t know where I’ll go when I get back. I’ve been so locked into Captain mode for so long that I fear I won’t be able to leave it.” She wiped a few tears away angrily. 

“I’m sorry, Kathryn.” He walked over to her desk and held his hand out. She took it and allowed him to pull her up. “You’re not alone in this. Many of us are going to struggle with coming out of a mode of constant vigilance, and many people aren’t sure where they’re going to go either. We have become a family, and we’re about to go from seeing each other all the time to not seeing each other at all.”

She nodded, her gaze fixed on their intertwined hands. “I envy Tom and B’Elanna.” She whispered. “They have each other. They don’t have to be worried about being alone, they get to build their lives together.”

“You’re not alone,” He repeated. “You never have been, and you never will be, no matter how much you isolate yourself and feel the need to place the burden of this journey solely on your shoulders.”

She gave him a halfhearted glare and he smiled at her. “But I feel so alone, Chakotay.”

“You’ve got me,” He offered, squeezing her hand lightly. “I’m here.”

Suddenly, the Admiral’s words drifted through her mind, and she felt a short wave of anger crash through her. “What about Seven?”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean ‘what about’—Oh.” Realization dawned on him. “That never really took off. I was mostly helping her with her social lessons.” He smiled sheepishly, “I mean, I thought for a time that I could have had something with her, but it just wasn’t working.”

“Oh.” Kathryn said, shocked.

“Yeah.” Chakotay echoed, a small smile ghosting over his features.

“So you mean…” She dared to let herself hope. 

“Yes.” He said. “I am here for you, Kathryn. My sense of peace never stopped even when things got rough between us.”

“My Angry Warrior.” She breathed, bringing her free hand up to rest on his chest. “I’ve never forgotten that story, or those nights.”

“Neither have I.” He said softly.

She smiled brightly, “I would love having you at my side as we get off the ship.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. I am, and always have been, ready to repair and move forward with you.” He smiled just as brightly. 

“Me too. I’ve missed you terribly.” Her hand moved from his chest and up to his cheek to frame it.

“And I you.” He closed his eyes at the sensation.

She had a long way to go before she felt comfortable being really and truly relaxed. Until then and beyond, she knew she had Chakotay by her side. 

And when they finally stumbled into bed together again a few weeks later after a homecoming party in the midst of the debriefing, she didn’t know how she ever resisted him after their return from New Earth. Their bodies still moved together perfectly and she could’ve sworn she saw stars when his face disappeared between her legs.

She had never been alone. She’d always had him.

And he’d had her.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this last week and have just finished editing it to a point where I'm happy with it. I wanted to play with the idea of Janeway and Chakotay having a simple conversation to establish that their feelings hadn't changed before a longer more in depth one about the rough patch of their relationship. I also am not convinced that nothing happened on New Earth, but then again, I'm pretty sure none of us are.


End file.
